Random Thoughts I’ve Had While Running

It’s probably not small secret that I enjoy running, in that I tell everyone I meet I enjoy running.[1] Heck, I even have material based off of it, which doesn’t do very well considering most of my shows are in smoking basement bars. Fun fact- every minute of running I’ve done is counteracted by every two minutes spent performing.[2] Regardless, the common response I get whenever I tell someone that I enjoy running is, “why?” Why, indeed. It could just be that I enjoy being able to walk up the mandatory 5 flights of stairs to my apartment without being winded. It could also have to do with my love for food and my desire not to be chubby- again.[3] But realistically, it has more to do with the fact that although I may experience an extreme hatred for myself during the first few minutes when I actually start running, I eventually get into the groove and am able to have some of the clearest thoughts I am capable of having. It is during this time that I am able to turn off my brain and really think. Here are some of my thoughts:


START OF RUN

Oh God, I’m never doing this again…

I wonder how my form is? I’ve been having knee problems, maybe this is why. No, now I’m thinking about it, and it’s ok. Weird.

I was supposed to do something, what was it… something related to school…

 FALL INTO GROOVE

I don’t get it. I can’t stand listening to Pitbull unless I’m running. Weird.

It’s a shame Chris Brown is an abusive dickhead, I really liked “Forever”. It’s wrong that THIS is the reason why it’s a shame. Seriously, why is it he’s even allowed to record anything after what he did? Why am I having this debate, no one’s going to hear it… oh.

Only in my neighborhood do the kids make fun of you when you run.

 RUN UP A FLIGHT OF STAIRS

Ow, ow, ow, ow… ah… ow, ow, ow, ow…

 RUN DOWNHILL

Why did I even bring my sunglasses, I hardly need them…

Ooh, a euro! DAMN MY POCKETLESS RUNNER SHORTS!

I should really look at expanding the “my time is worth €3.60” bit. There’s a lot there. Should maybe lose the “I don’t need to speak German, just look German” bit, I think I borrowed that from someone…

Right, I needed to transfer money! AND buy bus tickets! OH SHIT! Better remember that.

Do I sweat more than the average person? I really feel like I do. Maybe I’m just not used to the humidity. Weird.

 RUN UP A LONGER FLIGHT OF STAIRS

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow… ah… Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…

RUNNER’S HIGH

Well this isn’t too bad at all. I feel like I could do another kilometer. Next time.

What was I supposed to remember? Eh, I’ll figure it out next time.

Fuck yeah, Rammstein.[4]

Ugh, I could drink a whole liter of Coca Cola right now. I have no idea why.

 END OF RUN

Oh God, I’m never doing this again…

 


 

[1] Oh God, I’m that guy, aren’t I?

[2] It’s not a fact; it’s bullshit.

[3] 200 likes on my Facebook page and pictures of chubby George will be revealed! https://www.facebook.com/schorschicomedy

[4]Engel

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