Santa’s Other Reindeer

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Hey kids!

You know Santa’s reindeer, right? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen? Well I bet you know Rudolph- The guy even has his own song![1] Yes indeed, Santa has nine trusty reindeer to help pull his sleigh all across the world, delivering presents to the good boys and girls on Christmas Eve.

But did you know that Santa has other reindeer as well? They… don’t get out much. Only to be used in rare circumstances, these are the reindeer Santa Claus keeps around for the worst case scenario.

Zippy

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One of the first to join Santa’s team, Zippy was on the short-list to be team lead. Quick, eager to please, and extremely energetic, the elves had high hopes for this rising star. Unfortunately, it was later revealed why- performance enhancing drugs. Zippy unfortunately lost his scholarship and was knocked down to the C-team. He still teaches, but you can tell- he knows he had his big chance and blew it.

 

Flasher

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Extremely charismatic, Flasher blew them away in his interview. Santa himself was quoted as saying, “Flasher has to be one of the smartest- and funniest!- in the business.” Then came the sex scandals. Flasher seemingly lived up to his name in all the worst possible ways. Female[2] colleagues reported what started out as simple funny business, with mild towel slips in the locker room and friendly butt slaps. Later, however, authorities found several hidden cameras installed in the dressing rooms. Though no concrete evidence was found directly linking Flasher, his reputation was tarnished and he lost all credibility.

 

Bucephalus-X

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The resurrected horse of Alexander the Great himself. With the power of cloning, Santa was able to bring back one of the most infamous and powerful creatures in all of creation as a reindeer[3]. Great work and expectations came with this task- only to lead to disappointment. It turns out that in the process of switching biological orders, a terrible tragedy affected the brain and other cerebral functions of the experiment. Bucephalus-X now remains permanently in Santa’s stable, chewing on the padded walls meant to protect him, and occasionally taken out for a walk and a carrot.

 

Rolf

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Rolf is an extremely talented and driven individual from the frozen Lapland tundra. Although not always the fastest or the strongest, his desire to win made him a strong contender for Santa’s core team. He was the youngest to ever be scouted and drafted, impressing everyone by making a solo trip around the world alone. Sadly, his competitiveness got the best of him when it was found that he was fixing races and paying off the other racers. Santa was forced to pull him until he could learn to be a better team player.

 

Eddie

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Eddie’s just a dick.

 

Whippit

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Whippit is sadly too old to contend. Once, in his prime, he was a top performer on the sleigh team. Now he spends his days sitting in his stall, looking out the window at the other reindeer training in the yard, sipping on Earl Grey as he counts down the days until he is inevitably put to pasture. Whippit tells stories of his glory days to anyone who will listen; a few are good, but most are the regrets of a poor reindeer with only a few years left to him. Santa will give him a carrot from time to time, having completely forgiven him for the drug problem from which Whippet got his name.


 

[1] “Ticket to Ride”, The Beatles

[2] And some male

[3] It’s not an exact science

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