The “Star Wars” Holiday Gift Guide (MILD SPOILERS)!

(WARNING! MILD SPOILERS! If you haven’t seen the film yet, you might be ok. However, if you prefer to go in fresh, then wait until later to read this.)


There has been an awakening- have you felt it?

“STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS” IS HERE! And what an awakening it has been. With record breaking ticket sales, rave reviews, and fanboys hailing it as the best “Star Wars” since “Empire”, it’s clear who the real winners are: the marketing team.

While I’ve been in Germany, blissfully unaware of the promotion and merchandising which has gone into this blockbuster film, I had thought it was a little extreme. And then I returned home for Christmas and now…

So let’s play a little game! I want you to read through these marketing ideas and see if you can figure out which ones are real and which are not. Special bonus prize if you get ‘em all! Answers on the bottom, no peeking.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens light saber alarm clock

Wake up with the Force! Comes with snooze button you can activate with a Force push hand gesture[1]

Captain Phasma rope wrap dog toy

Everyone says it will do something amazing and you should totally keep an eye out for it, but is overall underwhelming and you forget about it[2]

Kylo Ren hairpiece

Why should Kylo Ren have that dreamy hair and not you? Never mind the fact that this Lord of the Sith lives aboard a starship and should be working on his lightsaber skills, style comes first![3]

BB-8 bag of oranges

BB-8 is round and orange-like, right? Right! Screw it, close enough![4]

Droidbonics Phrasebook

Droid, please! Now YOU can learn the phrases Finn uses with BB-8 which are acceptable so long as you use the word “droid”, including “droid rich”, “rollin’ like an R2 unit”, and “beep-beep WHOOP tweet whistle”[5]

Coffee Mate Chewbacca Spiced Latte Drink

Wake up with a roar! Get that necessary boost or risk being an ungrateful furball[6]

Star Wars Nemesis nail gloss

Show your Dark Side with this dark purple nail gloss which may or may not have been worn in the movie[7]

Luke Skywalker

Says nothing, looks homeless[8]


Answer Key

[1] Not real

[2] Real

[3] Not real

[4] Real

[5] Not real

[6] Real

[7] Real

[8] All too real

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