Spring has sprung! The sun is shining, the trees are in bloom, and if you’re anything like the rest of us who have survived the German winter you are immediately suspicious that tomorrow the sun will disappear and the trees will die. Nevertheless, there are a number of ways to mark this changing of the seasons- which you should absolutely do since this is Germany and winter is always coming.
Eat ice cream
Who cares that it snowed yesterday? Today the sun is OUT! That means strapping on a winter coat, plodding out with your friends and family to the shop that was (until yesterday) selling Italian leather jackets and then shoving as much ice cream into your face as possible. Don’t worry about the calories- that’s a summer problem!
Put out an (empty) Biergarten
Another way to know its spring is when the restaurants put out their benches and long tables for the Biergarten that will, eventually, be magical places in the summer. However, for the few months where the weather is still pretty unpredictable, it will remain as barren and empty as a Lidl store’s shelves. Occasionally you will find an intrepid alcoholic committed to enjoying adult beverages outdoors, but these individuals are few and far between. Instead the chairs and tables stand as a haunting reminder of the winter survived and the sun to come.
Go to Mallorca
Like the Swallows of Capistrano, many residing in Germany will feel the need to return to the mating grounds found in Mallorca, Spain. Yes- even non-Germans will find themselves pining for clear blue waters and the sunshine beating down on their soon to be sunburned skin. And so, like their ancestors before them, instinct will drive anyone within the German borders holding enough money for travel expenses to Mallorca, where they will drink crappy beer, annoy the locals, and fight over beach chairs with reservation towels.
Bury the elderly and infirm
Sadly, winter in Germany is harsh, and as such you may have to deal with some of the more unfortunate sides of the weather- including final rites for your dead. In your yard, or “hof”, you will typically find a large plot of land which can easily hold the remains of your beloved who succumbed to the cold or simply drank too much Glühwein while skiing. Depending on your living situation there may be a communal hole for these remains to be used by anyone within a maximum 5km radius (check your rental agreement). Simply bring the body, say your last words, and then depart in the most efficient way possible.
Plant a garden
After the appropriate amount of time has passed following the previous step, you will find yourself with a rather empty plot of soil. As empty space is absolutely not efficient, begin planting a garden to fully capitalize on the fertile land with new compost. Normally the city will begin planting daffodils and other spring flowers in these areas (now you know how/why they got there!) but vegetables and herbs are also recommended. Peas, potatoes, and onions do particularly well!
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