Odds for Eurovision Song Contest 2016 Ridiculousness

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Get ready, Europe (and Australia, somehow)! This Saturday it’s time for EUROVISION, that magical TV event where only the best performers from the continent get together to honor the ancient gods of music, ABBA. If you haven’t seen it before- it’s a bit like American Idol, except instead of having to impress three judges you have to impress the entire European population. Each group represents their country and then patiently waits in the “VIP Lounge” for the scores to come in. Who will win? Well you can find the odds for that here– but WHO CARES?! The real reason we watch Eurovision is for the ridiculousness which comes with it. And so, for that reason, I present to you the odds for Eurovision Song Contest 2016 Ridiculousness!

All wagers (unless otherwise specified) are only made once and must be made before the start of the performance. Bookkeeper is allowed to re-open books after all songs have been performed and voting has begun; books must be closed before first voting results are reported.

 

Wager: A contestant/group sings nonsense words instead of their native language/English
Odds: 5 to 1

What the hell was this nonsense, Belgium?

 

Wager: The winner will be decided in a near landslide, making the remaining points from the last 5 countries calling in meaningless
Odds: 6 to 1
The real fun is watching the hosts try to pretend like there’s still a point in watching after the winner has been announced.

 

Wager: A contestant gets their costume caught in one of the ever-present wind machines
Odds: 20 to 1
Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean IT WON’T HAPPEN THIS TIME!

 

Wager: Britain loses and adds it to the list of reasons why BREXIT should happen
Odds:
10 to 1
Good odds because Britain will almost certainly lose. 

 

Wager: A country will “accidentally” do something overtly sexual
Odds: 10 to 1

You guys! C’mon! They are wearing traditional Polish milk maid dresses while they wash clothes, get incredibly soapy, and then churning butter with low cut cleava… ok, I see it now.

 

Wager: A country representative makes a terrible joke which falls flat before announcing points
Odds: 4 to 1
“And then I say, ‘Yes, but who is chicken BELONGING to?!’ Ahahaha! Ha… ha… so, the Bulgaria votes…”

 

Wager: America makes a surprise entry with an all-star group including Beyonce, David Guetta, and hologram Prince
Odds: 50 to 1
Worth it if only to watch the faces of all the people in the room melt off.

 

Wager: A contestant/group has a powerful story of overcoming personal hardships/disabilities/struggles, and then loses miserably
Odds: 3 to 1
There’s nothing like a sob story to make losing even sadder.

 

Wager: The French correspondent refuses to give points in English, unlike the rest of the countries
Odds: 2 to 1
They’re still holding onto the whole “lingua franca” thing.

 

Wager: A contestant/group will be so far behind they cannot possibly win, but then the camera will pan to them whenever they receive any mention at all
Odds: 5 to 1

Rarely is it so dismal that a country will be so far behind, but I think we all remember “Moustache” from France’s Twin Twin.

 

Wager: A contestant/group will make a political statement regarding the refugee crisis, pollution, or Australia being part of the contest
Odds: 10 to 1
You got no business being here, Australia.

 

Wager: A former Soviet Bloc country gives their top 3 points for Russia
Odds:
1.5 to 1 (every time)
Look, it’s just how it happens. Stalin would be proud.

 

Wager: A country will perform wearing costumes which are indescribably weird
Odds: 3 to 1

Ooook, Jedward, you do you.

 

Wager: Costume change mid-song
Odds: 1 to 1
Costume department for Eurovision Song Contest is always on-fucking-point.

 

Wager: A pyrotechnics display goes awry and a contestant bursts into a fireball
Odds: 10 to 1 (for each contestant that catches flame)
There have been some close calls before, to be sure. Really they’re just… playing with fire.

 

Wager: A contestant/group/presenter does something semi-racist
Odds: 5 to 1
Again, I think we all remember “Moustache” (really, with the tribal face paint?).

 

Wager: Germany wins
Odds: 500 to 1
Germany to Europe: Yeah, ok- we’ll let you have this one win.


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2 thoughts on “Odds for Eurovision Song Contest 2016 Ridiculousness

  1. Josephine says:

    Laughed a lot but a bit harsh on Germany. I kind of get sick of hearing the comments on them being “in charge” of Europe. I live in Germany (originally from the UK) so I may be a bit biased but in my idealist bubble, the government here is mostly just trying to do the right thing. Sorry for bringing things back to politics. X

    Liked by 1 person

  2. germanginge says:

    Eurovision has clearly gone downhill since Save All Your Kisses for Me in 1976… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhq_Q1Ut8SQ

    Liked by 1 person

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