Odds for Eurovision Song Contest 2017 Ridiculousness

eurovision-2017-kyiv-logo

Alright, Europe! It’s almost time for the event of the year, EUROVISION 2017! Last year’s tumultuous event was full of shocking moments that left many fans stunned- except, of course, for my dear readers who were prepared for pretty much anything thanks to the handy betting odds I made. So what can we expect this time around? More chaos? More craziness? MORE WIND MACHINES?! Read on to find out more.

As before, all wagers (unless otherwise specified) are only made once and must be made before the start of the performance. Bookkeeper is allowed to re-open books after all songs have been performed and voting has begun; books must be closed before first voting results are reported. British pounds are no longer considered acceptable currency.

Wager: The hosts make an awkward Brexit joke.
Odds: 5 to 1
“Ooooh, Britain, looks like you’re behind! Too bad you can’t Article 50 your way to more points!”

Wager: A surprise entry from Vatican City features Pope Francis as his alter ego, “MC Pope a Cap in Yo Ass”.
Odds: 20 to 1
More like altar ego, am I right?

Wager: Justin Timberlake shows up to perform again, then actually hangs around after his contractually obligated song is over.
Odds: 50 to 1
“Wow! Justin Timberlake! What an amazing perfor- oh he’s gone.”

Wager: Your American friend says “What the fuck am I watching” at least 5 times during the show.
Odds: 3 to 1
No seriously, what the fuck am I watching?

Wager: A country representative stands around, unresponsive, like a ding-dong because of technical difficulties.
Odds: 2 to 1
“Hello? Croatia? Hello? Hello. Croatia. Are you there?” “…”

Wager: The male host makes a comment about how he’d like to sex the female host, who has to pretend like it’s not creepy at all.
Odds: 10 to 1
Non-verbal advances do not count towards this wager.

Wager: Australia makes a comment about how it’s already the next day there.
Odds: 3 to 1
It’s like YOU’RE FROM THE FUTURE!

Wager: Geert Wilders, Teresa May, and Marine Le Pen make an appearance and perform as the super-group, “The Far Right (to Party)”.
Odds: 100 to 1
Wilders won’t even need the usual over the top make-up!

Wager: A former Soviet Bloc country gives their top 3 points for Russia
Odds: 1.5 to 1 (every time)
Every. Time.

Wager: The Ukrainian contestants disappear but Russia somehow gets more contestants.
Odds: 10 to 1
Nothing to see here.

Wager: France wins.
Odds: 2 to 1
Seriously, THANK YOU FOR MACRON.

 Wager: Russia wins.
Odds: 1,000,000 to 1
No, Americans can’t vote in the Eurovision Song Contest, Mr. President.

Wager: You realize that the music is schlocky, the contestants are terrible, and that you wasted 6 hours of your life, but are too drunk to care anymore.
Odds: 1 to 1
Now you’re getting the hang of it!


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3 thoughts on “Odds for Eurovision Song Contest 2017 Ridiculousness

  1. Spot-on there, buddy!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Reblogged this on Ginge in Germany and commented:
    Many a true word said in jest…

    Like

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