German Passive Aggression: A Guide for Expats

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Germany is a beautiful country, renowned for its economic prowess and success. Living here as a foreigner has been a true privilege- I have enjoyed many benefits such as sick leave, fantastic vacation plans, clean streets and more. I also realize that such benefits do not come without cost. Indeed, such a wonderful utopia could not exist without strict rules that dictate how society should thrive. And what does any good German* do when they witness an individual violating such a rule? React with passive aggression, of course! But if you’re an immigrant like me and haven’t quite mastered it yet- don’t worry! This handy guide will have you silently seething in no time.
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Make Your Own Expat Leaving Letter

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Living abroad comes with its own unique adventures, such as finding an apartment, trying different foods, embracing foreign culture, etc. It’s a big reason why expats tend to stick together and share their experiences. But if you’ve ever been a part of an expat group, there’s one experience which you quickly become aware of- and that’s going away parties for when someone decides to leave. After having been to several in a month I can safely say that it’s never easy telling everyone about your decision. That’s why I’ve crafted this handy letter for when you decide to leave your expat friends behind! Please feel free to use it whenever you like.

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Expat Items for Sale

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The great thing about being an expat is having adventures in a new country. The bad thing is the realization that you have to start from scratch when it comes to literally all of your possessions. Remember how you accrued all that stuff through the many years back home?  Get ready to buy it all over again in a short period of time! Fortunately, every expat forum has a section for fellow travelers to buy/sell their stuff secondhand. Here’s an example of what you’re likely to find.
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5 More Haikus About Germany

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After the massive success of my last haiku blog (and because I’m behind on posting new content- read: Pokemon Go), here are a few more haikus about Germany for your enjoyment. Also, in order to set the mood, please play the following video in the background while you read.

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How is Your German Friend Feeling?

Believe it or not, Germans are not generally known for expressing their emotions well. That’s a shame- because lately there’s been a lot of events that may leave you wondering, “How does my German friend feel about this?” To that end I’ve developed a handy guide which should hopefully clear up any confusion you might have. Enjoy!

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5 Haikus About Germany

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The haiku. An elegant form of poetry used to take complex, difficult concepts and break them down into 17 delicate syllables. From Basho to Buson to Pound, the artistic brevity of the haiku has been used to describe many things- and now expat life in Germany. Come, and enjoy the poetic musings of the next haiku master, Schorschi.

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Does Your American Friend Like You? A Chart

The United States of America! Land of the free, home of the brave! Baseball! Apple pie! Guns and ammo!

Yes, there are indeed many things which America is known for, but perhaps none more greater than our customer service. Many have noticed that they can hardly enter a room in the US without being bombarded with questions about how they’re doing or how their day has been or what their weekend plans are. After a while, it may even begin to feel disingenuous! But how can you be sure if your American friend really likes you? Fortunately for you, I have made a handy chart which I’m sure will help- enjoy!

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The Flirty Hausmeister- An Erotic Story

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(For a friend)

Kate was cold, tired, and alone. It had been many long nights since her apartment had heating, and while this was tolerable during the summer months, it was now well into winter. Bundled under a knitted wool quilt and clutching a cup of Earl Grey, she watched as the snow drifts began to gather outside her window.

“Great,” she thought, “Another frigid night in frigid Germany. Just my luck.”

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George Schorschi’s Guide to Finding an Apartment

Finding an apartment is getting harder and harder these days. Many people will tell you surefire ways to get a place but apparently, the only thing that works is just pure dumb luck. So what’s a potential tenant supposed to do? Well! Fortunately for you, I have some tried and true methods which are just destined to work. Give them a whirl and get ready to get that flat in no time!

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Should I Go to the German Doctor? A Chart

Getting sick is never great, and neither is hauling yourself out of bed to go to the doctor. In Germany it gets a lot more fun- especially when the default solution seems to always be homeopathic! Heck, you might as well just stay in bed! But how do you navigate this difficult decision? Fortunately for you, I’ve made a handy chart which should help!

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